Step One: Prepare the Sasquatch
(This consists of putting him on a folding table so he can't run away.)

Step Two: Begin shaving the Sasquatch

(Note spindly little tail that hides beneath 5+ inches of fur)

Step Three: Trim Ears
(Note all the fur around the table... this filled an entire large garbage bag!)

(Note my intense expression as I try not to mess this part up)

Step Four: Pet dog as a reward for being so good for the last hour and a half
(I know it looks like I'm grabbing his scruff rather harshly, but he likes it, honest!)

And that, my friends, is how you go from Sasquatch to Spider Monkey in less than two hours!
And, finally, MY new haircut:

So now everyone is cool, comfortable, and ready to begin summer!